Don't fight! Surrender!

Ok, so I know that if you are out there with a cancer diagnosis, that everyone has been up your tree about " the fight against cancer" and how you need to " fight" to stay alive...I get it.
I have been there, heard every cliche and come to my own conclusions as well.

For me, cancer was not a fight, but more like a sucker punch in the stomach. By the time I recovered from the hit, another one was coming right at my head, with the news of the chemo I would be taking for the next 6 months. Getting back from the doctor would be another slam right in the chest as I would watch my 2 year old jump on my bed giggling, wondering if I would see him go to kindergarten. The bone marrow test was another cheap shot to my lower back, kicking me while I was down. Each day came with a bully called cancer designed to take me down any way possible. I met with fear, anger, and despair at different points of each day.

After months of suffering and the mental marathon that goes along with the whole cancer journey, I had to choose how I wanted to handle this thing.
My biggest problem is that I felt like my whole life was a fight to survive. I had survived child abuse and neglect, I had lived in foster care, I had watched my mother die on my birthday, and honestly I had really had enough of the " fight" aspect of life.
Now I know that for most people that the " fight" works for them, but for me it was a surrender.
When I was diagnosed, there were moments when I actually felt a bit of relief because now I had a reason to slow down and take care of myself. Before I was always on survival mode, now I had the chance to learn how to actually LIVE!~

For me I had to surrender, completely.
I had to surrender to the fact that I did not have all the answers.
I had to surrender to the fact that someone else was going to be in charge.
I had to surrender to my faith in God and that he knows way better than I do what I need.
I had to surrender to God that I needed him more than I wanted to admit.
I had to surrender that if I did not make it that my kids would be ok, and that my husband would do a great job without me... this was my hardest moment, and it was the moment that saved my life.
A complete surrender means thinking all of the thoughts that you never want to think and realizing that it is ok, no matter what the outcome.
I am still scared, I am not invincible, and still even with all that I have been through, I will tell you that I want to control things all the time, and when I do, is when I am most stressed.
Ok I get it....I surrender!
Remember, cancer is a word, not a sentence...

Life after Cancer..

For many cancer survivors there is an overwhelming feeling of relief when a clean bill of health comes from the doctor.

The other side of the coin is the feeling of " what if" that comes along with the news.

" What if" it comes back? " What if" something else goes wrong. This type of thinking can become so distracting that your daily life can be consumed with fears.

The one thing I try to remember is that anything can happen to anyone at any time.

We have nothing but our ability to look at the best possible scenarios to get us through the days.

And a day with the people you love is worth smiling about.

Remember that cancer is a word, not a sentence, if you have been set free, start living.

You are not defined by your illness, but more in how you overcome it.